My journey on the Path less traveled. Introverted survivor of childhood abuse using writing to “Bring on the thriving!” A little lopsided sometimes, stubborn, but smart enough to know it’s time to truly heal! 🙏🏻❤️
Looking back on the highs and low, the peaks and valleys, that I’ve experienced in life so far, thankfully I’m finally able to put some of the guiding secrets I’ve used in writing.
When we think about our strengths and weaknesses, well, I tend to forget the extremely strong spiritual foundation I grew up on. That has been my secret to finding peace in the storms, God’s peace.
I am not the first to go through whatever I’m going through, and I won’t be the last. The only difference between us is how we handle it. I really want to share the story of the old hymn, “It is Well with My Soul” here, written by Horatio G. Spafford in 1873 after losing all his five children. https://youtu.be/omGa5K5_0zc
The book of hymns “Then Sings My Soul, Volume One” does such a great job of telling the true story behind each song. Today, this one hits me especially close, and I definitely want to share. When a song can give you goosebumps, I take that as a definite “share” sign!
Today, I’m choosing to be thankful for my path, no matter what obstacle’s I’ve had to overcome. It’s in the journey,….something I need to keep telling myself.
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got while you still can! 💜✨ Thank you so much for stopping by. I truly appreciate and value you all here.
Along this healing journey, I’m constantly being reminded of the deep extent that actions mean so much more than just words,….even though I’m a writer of words; but if I don’t put them in writing and share then I don’t see it as an action. #goals
At my ACOA group meeting last night, the one I used to be embarrassed to talk about. The topic of our childhood and how we dealt with our siblings, related to them, protected them came up. My first response was a quick and easy “no problem, I’m an only kid so I didn’t have to deal with any of these relationships.”
Well, as we went around in our circle it hit me super hard! A realization I hadn’t put into words before about some of my own “Triggers” and how we can go from happy to sad in seconds when they pop up. This in particular brought up my deep lifelong feelings of isolation, being alone, loneliness when growing up my dysfunctional childhood home.
So all these generic greetings, “I’m ok, I’m fine,…”. They really do start to add up against our truths at times. The strongest life lesson I’ve learned so far is to continuously build and work on myself, my health, my emotional and spiritual wellbeing, and to support my community of friends and family that are on this walk with me.
And for myself in particular, this means finding the healthy boundaries and walking with, in front of, or behind others who are also honestly trying, despite the healing stage they might be in.
I want to share a beautiful original song here, (with permission),that says all this and then more about being ok, finding the ok, sharing the ok. Thanks so much to Ethan Trokey, singer and author, for putting these words out here in such a real and relatable way, “okay.”
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got while you still can! 💜✨ Thank you all so much for stopping by. I truly appreciate and value you all.
So you would think after almost 50 years I’d quit wondering why, quit questioning the strange isolated actions of my aunts and uncles. On my dad’s side, all seven of them grew up in a very abusive alcoholic home. My grandpa carried on the same curse that his dad had also.
My own dad also became an abuser and stayed in the addiction lane. It definitely affected me, but with the quiet strength my mom brought in, I at least had a chance to see another life path.
I’ve spent the last 30 years trying to reconnect with these aunts and uncles, but finally found out the hard way, that it’s just not going to happen. Uncle Ray allowed himself to get a tiny bit close to my cousins and I; but he still spent every holiday serving the homeless meals instead of ever considering getting together with his own family. Sadly, most all of them have passed away alone, found later in their favorite chair, or in bed.
There’s only two of the seven left, my dad being one of them. I recently had to purposely disconnect from my one remaining aunt. Every time I call her, she seems to be suddenly too sick to get together. When I even joke about stopping by, she gets flustered and pulls out every excuse I’ve ever heard of to keep me away. The final straw was when I asked, for the last time to stop over and she found a way to say no again.
The confusion is in the fact that she claims to be such a strong Christian, says she loves us, but then adds that we don’t need to see each other to love one another. Ok, my healing process here finally told me this has gotten toxic in its own way. I do feel horrible for my dad’s family. I’m realizing they must be that damaged that they don’t even know where to start to repair.
So for now, it just is what it is. I’m choosing to step away. Even though my aunt and I have so much in common, look alike, and could share in this healing journey; I’m finally ok in the realization that she’s not ready, and may never be.
But in my stubbornness for healing I will not carry and pass on this family curse. It’s worn me out so far, but thankfully I am seeing a healthy strength in my own kids that I never fully had myself.
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got while you still can! 💜✨ Thank you for stopping by here. I truly appreciate and value you all.
Ok, fine,….yes, I grew up watching Saturday morning cartoons. The days of Underdog, the Justice League, Looney Toons, and the Pink Panther. No, I don’t feel traumatized from those days, rather I think back and see that I can still sit down and watch them, and I kind of like the feeling of simplicity and entertainment they bring.
Ok, Underdog is much goofy than I remember, so maybe there’s hope that I’ve grown up a little. 😬
But in all honesty, after all these years of being gradually overwhelmed with 24/7 world news channels and limitless abilities to Google anything at any time, it’s taken its toll on my mental peace. There’s a quote from a retired FBI forensic psychiatrist, that presented a Workplace Violence seminar at my old job, that just keeps coming back to mind:
“In a single one-way commute to work, our minds and eyes experience more stimuli than our grandparents did in an entire week.”
So as I’m feeling worn out by all the reported murders locally, the hit and runs, the kids who have been abused and neglected, and all the other negative hateful news that comes in a typical day….I’m finding peace today in the fact that my mind has retained a childlike way of enjoying the simplicity and wanting to find the love and joy, and looking for ways to spread it.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got while you still can! 💜✨Thank you for being a part of my writing journey here. I truly appreciate and value you all.
Three years into weekly therapy, monthly pain specialist, monthly medical massage, medication, weekly ACA meetings, yoga stretching….oh, and actually starting to use the resources I keep hearing about; that’s where I am right about now.
Being completely honest, my brain is in overdrive a lot anymore. This is partly due to personal goals and life changes I’ve set in motion for this new year, some small, some very big.
Through my medical community, I keep hearing about all kinds of amazing resources that are geared towards: calming the mind, relaxing the body, helping with concentration and focus,….In true everyday hustle bustle fashion, I’ve picked at a few, given them bits and pieces of my time, but haven’t truly committed them to my daily routine yet.
Some I keep hearing about in counseling is meditation, mindfulness, neuroOptimal brain training using visuals on screen with music playing to help calm and retrain the brain. I’ve dabbled a little bit in some local meditation classes, and a study at the local college, but haven’t really put them into my routine.
“Headspace”, is one I’ve been hearing a lot about from the medical community. Apparently there’s an app, but I also just found it on Netflix. The Netflix series has one season. I’m on episode three so far, and really liking it. I’ve added it to my 30 minutes of free time first thing in the morning.
Moving Art, is an amazing nature documentary series. Each show takes you to a different, and amazingly beautiful part of the world. During the shows there is calming music playing, fitting to the landscapes and activities going on (ex. Flowers blooming, literally!).
I’m the first to admit, I feel overwhelmed a lot. But after putting in the work here to heal, I’m starting to see that I’m not overly sensitive, weak, voiceless,…..
Depending on what you’ve been through in life, you develop coping mechanisms, and they work, until they don’t. Personally, mine worked for 30+ years. But they quit working when I finally accepted that my mental health has destroyed my physical body (ex. Fibromyalgia with burning back pain 24/7, chronic headaches,….). My old childhood coping skills worked, until they didn’t.
Today, I’m thankful for learning that I’m not in this alone, none of us are. Life does require us to reach out though. If we don’t talk about it, or tell anyone anything, our minds and bodies will feel and show us the negative effects.
This road isn’t easy, and I’m bummed to finally realize it’s likely a lifelong journey to healing. Dang, attacking the generational curse thing is a curse in itself. But rather than let it continue, I’ll just keep putting one healing foot in front of the other. With help of course.
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got, while you still can! 💜✨ Thank you so much for stopping by. I truly appreciate and value all of you here.
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Live, Laugh, Love with everything you have, while you still can! Thanks so much for stopping by! I appreciate and value you all so much. 💜✨