My journey on the Path less traveled. Introverted survivor of childhood abuse using writing to “Bring on the thriving!” A little lopsided sometimes, stubborn, but smart enough to know it’s time to truly heal! 🙏🏻❤️
It will always amaze me how different one day can be from the last. 🤦♀️ No complaints here, but wow, today I’m beyond thankful for another new day! Another chance to put in the work towards living a true and healthy life.
It’s so nice to finally see myself and my community lifting each other up. We all have good days and bad days. It’s in the togetherness that we make it through it, and become stronger because of it.
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got, while you still can! 💜✨ Thank you for being here. I truly appreciate and value you all.
Throughout this healing journey, I’ve promised myself to keep my writing as real as I can. This comes with knowing that everyday isn’t going to be my best day; knowing that to keep this commitment to myself isn’t always going to be easy,….insert this week for example.
A beautiful friend sent me this quote from The Depression Project last night. She had no idea that this has been my week, all summed up, and explained just like I needed to see it. So Today I’m thankful for this friend and the time we’ve spent over the years being there for each other, caring, listening, encouraging, growing, and sharing the real with each other.
The eloquent words are not coming to me today. There’s just a blankness, a kind of black void in my thought process. The words aren’t coming to me, but I know they’ll be back. On this, I give myself over to my strong faith and foundation in God. With the hope and faith that I’ve cultivated over the years, I know that all days aren’t going to be like today.
httsp://thedepressionproject.com (This is my first time hearing of The Depression Project, but I am going to look into it more here).
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got, while you still can! 💜✨ Thank you so much for stopping by. I truly value and appreciate you all.
Three years into weekly therapy, monthly pain specialist, monthly medical massage, medication, weekly ACA meetings, yoga stretching….oh, and actually starting to use the resources I keep hearing about; that’s where I am right about now.
Being completely honest, my brain is in overdrive a lot anymore. This is partly due to personal goals and life changes I’ve set in motion for this new year, some small, some very big.
Through my medical community, I keep hearing about all kinds of amazing resources that are geared towards: calming the mind, relaxing the body, helping with concentration and focus,….In true everyday hustle bustle fashion, I’ve picked at a few, given them bits and pieces of my time, but haven’t truly committed them to my daily routine yet.
Some I keep hearing about in counseling is meditation, mindfulness, neuroOptimal brain training using visuals on screen with music playing to help calm and retrain the brain. I’ve dabbled a little bit in some local meditation classes, and a study at the local college, but haven’t really put them into my routine.
“Headspace”, is one I’ve been hearing a lot about from the medical community. Apparently there’s an app, but I also just found it on Netflix. The Netflix series has one season. I’m on episode three so far, and really liking it. I’ve added it to my 30 minutes of free time first thing in the morning.
Moving Art, is an amazing nature documentary series. Each show takes you to a different, and amazingly beautiful part of the world. During the shows there is calming music playing, fitting to the landscapes and activities going on (ex. Flowers blooming, literally!).
I’m the first to admit, I feel overwhelmed a lot. But after putting in the work here to heal, I’m starting to see that I’m not overly sensitive, weak, voiceless,…..
Depending on what you’ve been through in life, you develop coping mechanisms, and they work, until they don’t. Personally, mine worked for 30+ years. But they quit working when I finally accepted that my mental health has destroyed my physical body (ex. Fibromyalgia with burning back pain 24/7, chronic headaches,….). My old childhood coping skills worked, until they didn’t.
Today, I’m thankful for learning that I’m not in this alone, none of us are. Life does require us to reach out though. If we don’t talk about it, or tell anyone anything, our minds and bodies will feel and show us the negative effects.
This road isn’t easy, and I’m bummed to finally realize it’s likely a lifelong journey to healing. Dang, attacking the generational curse thing is a curse in itself. But rather than let it continue, I’ll just keep putting one healing foot in front of the other. With help of course.
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got, while you still can! 💜✨ Thank you so much for stopping by. I truly appreciate and value all of you here.
It’s hard to explain, but anything I’ve ever made fun of (ex. Mini vans), or things I’ve feared (Cancer, mom passing young) has been, ever so gently, placed right in my lap to deal with. Yes, so I honestly don’t make fun of anything anymore,….karma, or whatever it is, has shown that to me numerous times. Make fun and I’ll give it to you! 😳
But the fears, I feel this has to be a God thing. Looking at some of my biggest ones now: dying young, loneliness/feeling alone, crowds, fear of being around angry people,…..there’s more, but I really don’t want to keep going.
So, working at a Cancer Hospital has put me in line for the COVID vaccine. I was there today with staff and the beginning of our elderly population. I’m not a front liner but sometimes needed to cover patient areas in extreme cases.
I felt a lot of my fears today, the crowded areas, feeling alone in the crowd,….thankfully no angry peers today. But anxiety tried to creep in when the staff member next to me almost fainted.
Never in my life have I ever seen anything like I did today. It was a solid, and very efficient, medical environment. But to look at the faces was another story in itself; WWII veterans slowly wheeling themselves through the line, women nervously inching along trying to maintain enough distance. Overall, a lot of tired faces.
Today I need to find the gratitude instead of letting the fear consume me.
I’m from a family of nurses, so I’ve never questioned getting the vaccine. How can I, when I have family that’s been on the front lines for almost a year now. They’re all extremely relieved for it, so I need to use their perspective. These are the educated, hardworking peers, friends, and family members I’m sure almost all of us know and love.
Just talking about these things is helping out a great deal. Thank you for checking in here. I’m more than willing to talk about this with you if you’re apprehensive when your turn comes, or if you’re just curious about how it affects me.
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got, while you still can! I truly value and appreciate all of you here. 💜✨
Since writing has always been my best way to communicate, I suppose it’s a really good thing that I’ve finally found my way back to it. I’m two and a half years into my healing journey now, and still can’t believe how much I don’t know about being really healthy.
Today I’m thankful I did find a local ACA group (Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional homes). A double blessing is that we’re starting the actual 12 step workbook, “Twelve Steps of Adult Children.” It’s so hard to explain, even here, how much my emotions are starting to stir up, and how I’m actually starting to feel again. Coming out of 30 years of denial is proving to be pretty scary.
The terminology in this book is amazing! The language I’m learning now is shocking me, in such a good way. For example, the very first page of the workbook defines an Adult Child as, “also means that when confronted, we regress to a stage in our childhood.” Holy Moly! I’ve joked for years about feeling like a little kid at times, times when I should but can’t seem to find my words. It’s actually starting to make sense.
My dad was the son of an alcoholic, and grew up in a very abusive stereotypical old Irish Catholic family, lots of kids, lots of alcohol. He carried his experiences into our home with his own addictions, and a very bad temper. I remember times when furniture was being tipped over, all kinds of things being thrown around the house,…and the volume alone was enough to scare anyone around.
So, it’s actually starting to make sense why anger, or as I like to call them – temper tantrums, shoot me right back to that little girl frame of mind. My body freezes, mind goes blank, and I try to just disappear so no one can see me, or hurt me. I did force myself to stand toe to toe with him during my teen years when it came to defending my mom. She was such a strong, but quiet godly soul. His abuse destroyed her. Looking back, I am so glad I found the verbal and physical strength for a few years, for her. She deserved so much better.
#writing #awakenings
Thank you for being here with me, on this journey. I have high hopes that this ACA workbook, and actually working the 12 steps is going to be life changing for me here. I’m so thankful that I’ve been able to find these resources and to actually give myself the chance to heal, from the inside out.
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got, while you still can! 💜✨ Thank you for being here with me. I truly appreciate and value all of you.
ACA link below. Definitely check it out if this applies to you, or as a resource for learning more about this topic.
https://adultchildren.org
https://adultchildren.org/
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Live, Laugh, Love with everything you have, while you still can! Thanks so much for stopping by! I appreciate and value you all so much. 💜✨