So you would think after almost 50 years I’d quit wondering why, quit questioning the strange isolated actions of my aunts and uncles. On my dad’s side, all seven of them grew up in a very abusive alcoholic home. My grandpa carried on the same curse that his dad had also.

My own dad also became an abuser and stayed in the addiction lane. It definitely affected me, but with the quiet strength my mom brought in, I at least had a chance to see another life path. 

I’ve spent the last 30 years trying to reconnect with these aunts and uncles, but finally found out the hard way, that it’s just not going to happen. Uncle Ray allowed himself to get a tiny bit close to my cousins and I; but he still spent every holiday serving the homeless meals instead of ever considering getting together with his own family. Sadly, most all of them have passed away alone, found later in their favorite chair, or in bed.

There’s only two of the seven left, my dad being one of them. I recently had to purposely disconnect from my one remaining aunt. Every time I call her, she seems to be suddenly too sick to get together. When I even joke about stopping by, she gets flustered and pulls out every excuse I’ve ever heard of to keep me away. The final straw was when I asked, for the last time to stop over and she found a way to say no again. 

The confusion is in the fact that she claims to be such a strong Christian, says she loves us, but then adds that we don’t need to see each other to love one another. Ok, my healing process here finally told me this has gotten toxic in its own way. I do feel horrible for my dad’s family. I’m realizing they must be that damaged that they don’t even know where to start to repair.

So for now, it just is what it is. I’m choosing to step away. Even though my aunt and I have so much in common, look alike, and could share in this healing journey; I’m finally ok in the realization that she’s not ready, and may never be. 

But in my stubbornness for healing I will not carry and pass on this family curse. It’s worn me out so far, but thankfully I am seeing a healthy strength in my own kids that I never fully had myself.

Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got while you still can! 💜✨ Thank you for stopping by here. I truly appreciate and value you all.