Since writing has always been my best way to communicate, I suppose it’s a really good thing that I’ve finally found my way back to it. I’m two and a half years into my healing journey now, and still can’t believe how much I don’t know about being really healthy.
Today I’m thankful I did find a local ACA group (Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional homes). A double blessing is that we’re starting the actual 12 step workbook, “Twelve Steps of Adult Children.” It’s so hard to explain, even here, how much my emotions are starting to stir up, and how I’m actually starting to feel again. Coming out of 30 years of denial is proving to be pretty scary.
The terminology in this book is amazing! The language I’m learning now is shocking me, in such a good way. For example, the very first page of the workbook defines an Adult Child as, “also means that when confronted, we regress to a stage in our childhood.” Holy Moly! I’ve joked for years about feeling like a little kid at times, times when I should but can’t seem to find my words. It’s actually starting to make sense.
My dad was the son of an alcoholic, and grew up in a very abusive stereotypical old Irish Catholic family, lots of kids, lots of alcohol. He carried his experiences into our home with his own addictions, and a very bad temper. I remember times when furniture was being tipped over, all kinds of things being thrown around the house,…and the volume alone was enough to scare anyone around.
So, it’s actually starting to make sense why anger, or as I like to call them – temper tantrums, shoot me right back to that little girl frame of mind. My body freezes, mind goes blank, and I try to just disappear so no one can see me, or hurt me. I did force myself to stand toe to toe with him during my teen years when it came to defending my mom. She was such a strong, but quiet godly soul. His abuse destroyed her. Looking back, I am so glad I found the verbal and physical strength for a few years, for her. She deserved so much better.
Thank you for being here with me, on this journey. I have high hopes that this ACA workbook, and actually working the 12 steps is going to be life changing for me here. I’m so thankful that I’ve been able to find these resources and to actually give myself the chance to heal, from the inside out.
Live, Laugh, Love with everything you’ve got, while you still can! 💜✨ Thank you for being here with me. I truly appreciate and value all of you.
ACA link below. Definitely check it out if this applies to you, or as a resource for learning more about this topic.
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Thank you so much for sharing, this was a really powerful and moving read.
Thanks so much for stopping by! It’s so therapeutic to share this journey through writing too. So glad to connect here. 💜✨
Excellent read. I worked the 12 steps for many years to get me where I am today. Peace and serenity.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much!! Just diving in and feeling thankful to finally find the community help. 🙏🏻❤️